A few things to keep me from killing myself

Lately, I've been feeling the most loneliest I have ever felt. I don't exactly know why. I think its the fact that I feel trapped and so alone in my supposed home. My family doesn't talk to me because of all their stupid reasons as to not talk to me. They are all mad and disappointed at me for numerous things. Take for example me not attending a family friends wedding. I don't know if I'm being selfish or not, but I decided not to go to this wedding because A) I do not know the person getting married very well. B) I bought and planned my vidcon tickets for a while now. C) I shouldn't be forced into going something just because out of respect that the parents of the people getting married have gone to my parties, but keep in mind not all my important life events. To be completely honest I don't think its fair as to why I am being given the silent treatment, I think things get better resolved by talking to one another instead of ignoring it all and holding everything in until you want to explode, but you know I'm completely fine. Thanks for caring.

Secondly, I think with my education and everything I decided to take a break off from university to figure out what I want most in life, cause to be completely honest, I don't want to go to university and waste my time and take random classes just because I need to take them and study something I am not completely interested in and hate my life forever. That would be the worst thing ever. I don't know where my life is going but I do know that as of right now, I want to go and explore and experience loads of new things and travel and be completely happy.

One of my other problems at home is apparently if I make a weird face its insulting and I get no say in it when they insult you and give a list of insults in front of guests. So much for being the holy one.

I'm not sure if this is the last one cause I feel as if my problems never end. My grandfather always seems to point out my weight. I don't know if this is supposed to be playful but I don't find it funny. I'm constantly battling an all out war against myself about my weight and your smart mouth decides to just point out all my flaws.

I guess lately I've been feeling a lot worthless. I don't feel important in this world or maybe the next world. But in no way am I suicidal it just feels like since I am on this journey, I still haven't found my life's purpose and it frustrates me to the point where I even question my existence. I feel as if that I'm not needed as much as I want to be needed. Life is hard and there are things that I would love to do within however long my lifetime is, that is why I am not suicidal. Though with these things I have people like you who are reading and I have youtube, and twitter, and tumblr. To be honest facebook is just a place for me to creep on. I find myself using it less and less. It's currently almost 2 am and I'm trying to upload my blindfolded makeup challenge and for some reason its taking a while to process and its really pissing me off. Like really? Does it need to process for 2 hours....

Well anyways on to the inspiration of the day!!

And as always spread love and keep your head up!